When a father does not discipline his child
The subject of discipline inside a family is effectively addressed in the Word of God. And the New Testament even uses it to demonstrate how God doesn’t act differently inside his own spiritual family:
And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son”. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews
That simple Bible text dealing with the topic of reprehension and punishment summarizes the essence of discipline very well. The whole text was based on the following verse of Proverbs: “My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke”. (Proverbs
A father in the Bible who corrected their children — only by words
If Proverbs is a book explaining very well what discipline is, then did all the parents mentioned in the Word of God know how to apply it? No. Not all the parents in the Bible corrected their children. Some simply chose a verbal correction — nothing else. For instance, High Priest Eli brought up his children in the priesthood and, when they became men, they frequently committed sins against God. They were even violating the sacrifices offered to God in the house of God:
The sons of Eli were scoundrels. They paid no attention to the LORD or to the regulations concerning what the priests could demand from the people. This sin of the sons of Eli was extremely serious in the LORD’s sight, because they treated the offerings to the LORD with such disrespect. (
Eli saw the sins of his children and, as every good father, he did not keep silent. He always opened his mouth to rebuke them.
Eli was now very old. He kept hearing about everything his sons were doing to the Israelites and that they were even sleeping with the women who worked at the entrance to the Tent of the LORD’s presence. So he said to them, “Why are you doing these things? Everybody tells me about the evil you are doing. Stop it, my sons! This is an awful thing the people of the LORD are talking about! If anyone sins against someone else, God can defend the one who is wrong; but who can defend someone who sins against the LORD?” (
There are parents who remain silent before the horrible sins of their own children, not even daring to suggest that they should stop their wrong sexual behavior, but that weakness Eli didn’t have. He showed the mistakes of their sons in their face. However, the Word of God reveals clearly the reaction of children’s Eli to their father’s reprehensions and the reaction of the Lord to their disobedience and persistence: “But they would not listen to their father, for the LORD had decided to kill them”. (
God, in his love, makes prophetic visitations to Eli
As priests of the Lord, Eli as well as his children knew the Word of God very well. Even so, the children of Eli were determined to disobey the Word of God and their own father, and Eli was determined not to discipline anybody — restricting himself to reprove. Since all were in the same way determined against the orders and advices of the Word of God, God also decided to make a determination: he determined that the solution for the children of Eli was capital punishment.
Although Eli was making God very sad by his inaction, God always demonstrated mercy, in the hope that Eli might repent and eventually to take on the posture of a father who acts. Through prophetic messages, God made very clear to Eli that he wanted much more than only words. If his children insisted in disobeying, the obligation of Eli was, besides reprehending, to take concrete measures. It was in that point that God sent a prophet Eli:
A prophet came to Eli with this message from the LORD: “When your ancestor Aaron and his family were slaves of the king of
God had already determined that the punishment for the offenses priests Hophni and Phinehas were committing was death. But as Eli didn’t want to fulfill his responsibility as a father and as High Priest punishing their cruelties, the curse and the divine sentence of capital punishment that were on Hophni and Phinehas would fall on the whole Eli family. He used even the boy Samuel to warn Eli:
The LORD said to him, “Some day I am going to do something to the people of
After such a divine reprehension, a wise man would fall prostrated before God, would thank his supernatural visitation, would ask for his forgiveness and would make the commitment before the Lord to behave according to the Word of God, punishing all those deserving punishment, even capital punishment if necessary. But what was the reaction of Eli when Samuel gave him the prophetic message?
So Samuel told him everything; he did not keep anything back. Eli said, “He is the LORD; he will do whatever seems best to him”. (
In other words, Eli meant: “If God wants to act and do what I am not doing, he can do as he pleases, but I won’t act. Let God act alone”. He did not accept the chance to collaborating with God in the order of the family of God and in his own family! He just wanted to continue treating his adult children the same way he has been treating them from the childhood: with no corporal punishment.
Consequences of a father’s negligence
Eli avoided his responsibility of punishing, and the curses on Hophni and Phinehas came true, hitting much more than their own lives — affecting the whole nation of
The messenger answered, “
Eli didn’t worry much about his children’s death, because he already knew that there was not other destiny for them. He worried more about the destiny of the Covenant Box. However, if he had effectively acted, his family would not suffer curse nor the Covenant Box would be taken.
Few years later, nearly the whole priestly family of Eli was brutally murdered by King Saul (cf.
Prophet Samuel, in his childhood and youth, saw everything that happened to Eli and his children. He lived in the priestly house of Eli, but the difference is that Samuel was not a son of Eli.
Hannah, a barren Hebrew wife, had fervently prayed to God asking for a son. God answered giving her the blessing of conceiving Samuel in her womb. After Samuel’s birth, Hannah took him to the house of God — where Eli occupied High Priest’s function — and she gave and consecrated him to the service of God, separating herself physically from him. (See
From the human point of view, the boy Samuel was under the risk of suffering the same kind of educational deficiency that Eli had given his own children — because the children of Eli didn’t know what corporal punishment was. From the divine point of view, everything that Hannah and her husband could not do for their son Samuel, God would give. In fact, God in his sovereign way filled with his wonderful grace all deficiency and bad influence of Eli in the upbringing and education of Samuel.
God’s Grace is not automatic
Even being reared without any corporal punishment, Samuel miraculously didn’t become the kind of adult that the children of Eli were. Samuel saw that the grace of God that was on him had delivered him from all contamination and damage. Then he might have concluded that it is possible to educate children without the application of the corporal discipline. Doubtless, the lack of damage was an exclusive work of the grace of God, but Samuel might well have thought that he could “sustain” that work in his family, without ever needing to spank his children. The Word of God talks a lot about Samuel and his integrity, but it does not talk a lot about his children, and the little that it talks reveals that they didn’t inherit their father’s integrity. Everything that the Word of God says about Samuel’s children is:
“When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as judges for
Samuel had only two children, and they were corrupt — probably because his father gave them the same (humanly deficient) education that he had received himself. The grace of God that worked in Samuel’s life — without the need of the use of the corporal discipline — didn’t work in his children’s life. The grace of God is not a blessing that we choose, nor is it automatic. It is God who by his exclusive sovereignty chooses and gives.
Probably, Samuel acted as his mother Hannah, delivering his children to the grace of God, thinking just this was enough. What he did is not incorrect, but the situations were different. In Samuel’s rearing, there was not a father to discipline him. In Samuel’s children's rearing, there was a father to discipline them, but that father tried a way of faith that eventually did not work. His example is a helpful lesson for us today. Parents can and should give their children to God and depend on the grace of God, but they can never fail to obey the specific commandments of God about children’s education and correction. To use the grace of God as excuse to avoid the responsibility of corporal discipline is to jump into the darkness — risking sending children to the same destiny and abyss of corruption where Samuel’s children ended!
The same God who by his sovereignty grants his grace in special situations also guides his people on the divine method of corporal punishment for the children’s education. The grace of God may work in situations where a child for a reason or another doesn’t receive corporal punishment, especially in the parents’ absence, but it is risky and wrong to close deliberately the ears to the orientations of Proverbs and “to leave for the grace of God” a work and responsibility that God gave directly to parents. God can work when parents are not present, just as it happened in Samuel’s childhood, but when parents are present, they should act as it is already very clear in the Word of God.
While we live as human beings, we have human needs. One of those needs is discipline, correction and punishment, that make part so much of the natural family as of the spiritual family. To help parents in the important and difficult task of discipline, God gave us the Book of Proverbs, which contains many passages on the subject.
What God’s wisdom taught Solomon
The Book of Proverbs in the Bible was, largely, written by Solomon, son of David. Being then the major author of Proverbs, how then was Solomon able to write so much on children’s corporal discipline? Was it because of his father’s example? Was it from what he learned in his childhood?
Solomon didn’t learn discipline principles from his own experience nor from his social environment, because in the home where he was reared he had never received a corrective spanking from his father. For some reason, David never corrected the stubbornness and disobedience of his children. He failed in that area. He was a righteous man in many areas, but the Word of God shows his failure to behave in his role as a father. When his son Amnon raped his sister, most of the Bible versions just say that David was furious when he learnt about the sexual violence, but Septuagint reveals much more:
“When King David heard about this, he became very angry. But David didn't punish his son Amnon. He favored Amnon because he was his firstborn son”. (
“When David heard what had happened to Tamar, he was very angry. But Amnon was his oldest son and also his favorite, and David would not do anything to make Amnon unhappy”. (
Another Bible passage reveals how David dealt with his son Adonijah:
Now all his life his father had never gone against him or said to him, Why have you done so? (
But his father had never once reprimanded him by saying, “Why do you act this way?” (
His father had spoiled him rotten as a child, never once reprimanding him. (
Perhaps David did not suffer as strong divine punishments as Eli received because David was married to several women and he didn’t have, as a king, time to administer his immense family. Such weakness may not have cost him the curses that Eli reaped, but it did not deliver him from serious problems with his children. His son Absalom, who was never spanked, took his throne and tried to kill him, acting with extreme violence, raping the concubines of his own father! The case of Absalom shows the mistakes of those who believe that only children reared with discipline turn out violent. The opposite was true in the case of Absalom. His brother Amnon, reared without ever receiving a beating, committed a violent act, raping his own sister!
The secret then for not suffering similar problems in the family is not to follow the modern fashion of avoiding physical discipline, but to adopt a balanced posture: a child reared in a violent way or without physical punishment eventually commits violence, but a child reared with the wise application of corporal discipline will have very more chance to lead a life marked by a good and correct behavior.
Living all his childhood in the home of David, seeing Amnon, Absalom and Adonijah in their wicked behaviors, Solomon knew what lack of discipline was by his own experience. In fact, he suffered himself the consequences of lack of discipline in his father’s home, because his spoiled brother Adonijah tried to take the government from Solomon, and daddy David did not act. Spoiled Adonijah was willing to kill Solomon to seize the government.
Solomon also knew the tragic case of Eli, through the stories his father David told him. David knew about the internal problems of the family of Eli through Prophet Samuel, his friend. So through David Solomon knew even the situation of Samuel’s children.
Perhaps his father David has not been much concerned with the lack of corporal punishment in the way Eli, Samuel and himself brought up their children because those generations generally didn’t educate children by another way. Because great spiritual leaders of that time as Eli, Samuel and David didn’t see anything strange with the lack of corporal discipline in the children’s education, very possibly in
Probably, Solomon had never put into action the principles of children’s discipline that he wrote in Proverbs when he was still young, very God-fearing, single and childless. Proverbs directs men to have only a wife[1],but Solomon acquired many.[2] He disobeyed.[3] Proverbs is the book in the Bible containing most of the Bible teachings on discipline, but Rehoboam, son of Solomon, followed the tradition of the spoiled and wicked children in David’s family.
But just because Solomon failed to obey does it mean that all men of God will not be able also to get only one wife and educate and correct their children according to the excellent principles of Proverbs?
What God talks to parents through Proverbs
In the many orientations that he wrote about children’s correction, Solomon was not influenced by habits of his family or by the culture around him. He was unable to write based on his own experience, because he and his siblings didn’t know what was to receive discipline from their father. The direct inspiration of God led him to sustain the position not of his father nor his culture nor his own heart, but of God in the subject of the corporal discipline. The wisdom of God enabled him to understand and see what even his father and Samuel didn’t see. God, through Solomon's wisdom in Proverbs, teaches:
“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”. (Proverbs
“Whoever refuses to spank his son hates him, but whoever loves his son disciplines him from early on”. (Proverbs
“He who spares his rod [of discipline] hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines diligently {and} punishes him early”. (Proverbs
“Wounding stripes purge away evil, and strokes purge the inner parts of the belly”. (Proverbs
“Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways”. (Proverbs
“Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being”. (Proverbs
“Children just naturally do silly, careless things, but a good spanking will teach them how to behave”. (Proverbs
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him”. (Proverbs
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him”. (Proverbs
“All children are foolish, but firm correction will make them change”. (Proverbs
“Children just naturally do silly, careless things, but a good spanking will teach them how to behave”. (Proverbs
“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell”. (Proverbs
“Withhold not discipline from the child; for if you strike {and} punish him with the [reedlike] rod, he will not die. You shall whip him with the rod and deliver his life from Sheol (Hades, the place of the dead)”. (Proverbs
“Withhold not correction from the child; for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die: thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from Sheol”. (Proverbs
“Don’t hesitate to discipline children. A good spanking won't kill them. As a matter of fact, it may save their lives”. (Proverbs
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death”. (Proverbs
“Correction and discipline are good for children. If they have their own way, they will make their mothers ashamed of them”. (Proverbs
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame”. (Proverbs
“A spanking and a warning produce wisdom, but an undisciplined child disgraces his mother”. (Proverbs
However, although favoring spanking with a rod, the Word of God doesn’t back excesses and violence:
“Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don't, you are helping them destroy themselves”. (Proverbs
“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying”. (Proverbs
“Correct your children before it's too late; if you don't punish them, you are destroying them”. (Proverbs
“Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them”. (Proverbs
Therefore, the Word of God does not accept any kind of excess — nor lack of discipline, neither violent spanking endangering a child’s life.
Lack of discipline may represent defeat in many areas for negligent Christian parents, who open their mouths to rebuke and nothing more. Although the media frequently and insistently stress parents’ abuses who use the violence in the place of discipline, similar room is never given to alert the public on the dangers of lack of discipline. In fact, the liberal and leftist elite — the real media owner — chose the radicalism in the place of the good sense, preferring to back efforts to prohibit every form of corporal punishment of children, turning lack of discipline the norm in the whole society.
The preoccupying point is that if lack of discipline in strong Christian homes may provoke great damages, then what could happen to a whole society seduced by the deceiving propaganda saying that every corporal discipline is equal to violence? The Word of God was not written by psychology experts, but a Wise Mind is behind its orientations. To substitute those orientations for trendy advices and laws may bring relief and accommodation in the present, but also the spectrum of an uncertain and gloomy future, because there is no individual or society that was able to be successful by rejecting the orientations of the Word of God.
Certain Bible experts like to affirm that some passages of the Bible are not more valid, because in their view their application has relevance only for a past culture and society. For instance, if Eli and David had used a rod to discipline their children, those experts would conclude, according to their own desires, that the use of rod as a correction instrument in the home had a cultural application for that time that today does not have anymore. But the reality is very different, so that it would be very interesting to see those experts contorting themselves to interpret, against their own tastes, that lack of discipline is a cultural practice of old Israel with no value for today! But those experts don’t act this way. Only when it is convenient for them is that they reinterpret the Bible using the cultural argument.
Discipline and punishments are part of the spiritual and human family
Even as God disciplines his own spiritual children, he also wants parents here on the earth to discipline their own children.
Although the measures of God against the stubbornness, rebellion and disobedience of his people are extremely forceful and hard, he limited the forceful actions of parents to the use of a rod in cases of need.
In the New Testament, the Lord Jesus uses reprehensions and punishments to cope with the disobedience of some churches. One of the churches received the following disapproval from the Lord:
“Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds”. (Revelation
God takes care of his spiritual family, educating it, training it and punishing it, and he gave us the Book of Proverbs so that we may educate, educate and punish our children. The children’s education in Proverbs can be summarized in one verse:
“Teach children how they should live, and they will remember it all their life”. (Proverbs
With the wise advices of Proverbs, parents can train their children to walk in the way of the good and right behavior, and until the end of their lives they will practice what learned and will avoid wicked behaviors.
Nobody is wiser than God concerning child rearing. No book in the Bible talks so much of wisdom as Proverbs does. And nobody on the earth was wiser than Solomon, because his wisdom came from God. So the wisdom of God together with the wisdom of his servant Solomon produced the wisest advices that parents need to carry out the responsibility of training their children in the good way.
The “wise” people in this world — who are real fool before God —only accept what their wise “friends” teach. But the real wise people accept what the wisest Mind in the universe teaches in Proverbs.
“Stupid people always think they are right. Wise people listen to advice”. (Proverbs
“Keep company with the wise and you will become wise. If you make friends with stupid people, you will be ruined”. (Proverbs
Education without corporal punishment: in the fashion since the time of Eli
The trendy propaganda, following the method of Eli of talking and rebuking without using a rod, preaches that corporal discipline brings violence to the homes and the children’s lives. Hophni, Phinehas, Amnon, Absalom and Adonijah — wherever they are today — would never agree with such a view! They became wicked and violent and now they are paying a high cost, suffering eternal punishment. Who thinks the child-rearing and educational method without corporal punishment is a modern invention overcoming old practices doesn’t know the life of Eli and David. This method was not invented by the modern psychology experts. It was inspired in the human heart and it has been in force for thousands of years.
Even as in the case of Solomon, who didn’t write on discipline based on his childhood experiences in his father’s house, the author of this article and his wife came from homes where parents didn’t believe in the effectiveness of corporal punishments. They just believed in the method of Eli, never tolerating a spanking on a child for correcting stubbornness and rebellion. In fact, in one of our homes, besides abundant “specialized” magazines on child rearing with abundant psychological advices à la Eli, there was also a handbook by Dr. Benjamin Spock, responsible for the modern mass rejection to corporal punishment. The books of Dr. Spock have been sold for more than half century — rearing at least three whole generations of parents who love and follow his theories as if they were so or more sacred than all the orientations in the Book of Proverbs.
Today, in spite of all that tradition in our families, we believe in the Word of God, that is above experiences, traditions, trendy practices and human views — even above well-intentioned Christians who are a blessing in many areas, but follow the footsteps of David and Eli when speaking and teaching about child rearing. The best handbook on child rearing has always been and will always be the Bible, and the greatest master is not Dr. Benjamin Spock. It is the Author of the Bible.
Of course, God not accepts authority abuses, but it is not right to use the cases of violence and excesses to annul the orientations in the Book of Proverbs for parents, because the Word of God is clear that is exactly the lack of application of corporal punishments that may lead families and their children to tragic destinies. Those tragedies may have a great increase in the whole society, because the government’s goal is to prohibit parents from disciplining their children. That prohibition unavoidably will make a crime to obey to the orientations of God in Proverbs.
Eli died more than three thousand years, but his followers today are many, especially among educators, psychologists and defenders of the children’s “rights”. If he were alive, he would demand his trademark of the method that many psychologists today arrogantly attribute to their own concepts. He would say what is very common in our time: “I want my rights! I am the creator of that method! That invention belongs to me!” He could even sue psychologists because they stole from him the invention of “discipline without corporal punishment”. Psychologists are then lucky that Eli is not alive!
Discarding these joking thought, Eli and his children may be suffering eternal punishment for they did not recognize the value of corporal punishment here on the earth. Father and children may be paying the same cost, because of their sins. The Word of God is correct when it warns:
“Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won't kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death”. (Proverbs
Source: http://www.lastdayswatchman.blogspot.com/
BBE: Bible In Basic English.
GNB: Good News Bible – Second Edition.
CEV: Contemporary English Version.
GW: GOD‘S WORD. Copyright ©
HCSB: Holman Christian Standard Bible.
MSG: THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language.
NIV: New International Version.
[1] Proverbs 5:15-19; Proverbs 31:2-3.
[2] Nehemiah 13:26.
[3] Deuteronomy 17:17.
Other articles by Julio Severo:
The Brazilian Government Abuse Against the Family
The right to choose home education in Brazil
What every Christian should know about Israel
Abortion: Is the solution not only abuse, but kill?
Targeted By Bias: Evangelicals Who Voted for Bush
The Great Gaffe of Lula Against Israel
The Mark of the Beast: The Tomorrow’s Education
Helping Take Care of the Social Health
Message to President Lula on Israel
Message to President Lula on homosexuality
Growth of divorce among Christians: a biblical perspective
1 comment :
Thank you for posting this. My husband and I were strong Christians when we had children. But like Hanna, we just "turned them over to God", and trusted that God would magically raise them for us while we went to church - church - church. Now, our son is a self-absorbed, punitive monster. We inadvertently taught him that he can do as he pleases, and he will not be corrected. As an adult, he still does as he pleases, and he is a grief to us. People say that he will "grow out of it", but he just grows more into it. Why should he give up being a tryrant now? Like Proverbs says, "Spank them while their is hope!"
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